Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Day 3

I skipped a day of posting however Day 2 would look similar to this one.
My urges remain high  rated a 10 on the urge tracker  found on the Hawaii Quit  website.
I've smoked everywhere on this island so 'removing yourself from familiar smoking areas' does no good, I just accept that these first few days are painful and will soon come to pass.
I journal about this as a way to stay busy since boredom is one of my smoking triggers.
I never thought anyone would read  this stuff but got some encouraging words from my brother Rolly. I take it he must be bored to be reading this jive.  Read away  brother...

I still plan on having scheduled 'slips'; which I've planned for  Sundays.
My body is greatly resisting this choice since I've been smoking since I was 17. I'm now 37 and think that 2 decades of carcinogens is enough. Our dad died because of smoking. In fact I've outlived him already, he died at 35. This gives me 2 years on him and counting. I remember buying smokes for him since back in the 80's, theer were no laws against minors buying cigarettes, which were Benson & Hedges menthol lights  for $1.35

I don't blame him for my picking up the habit. However seeing how easy and cool he did it. Made my transition to a smoker's lifestyle that much easier.

I hung out with kids that smoked and one day a friend asked me to hold his cigarette while he took a leak. By the time he was done, I smoked his cigarette to its butt, no coughing or gagging, I picked it up pretty easily. This of course led to buying my own pack since I had to payback the one I smoked.

I was pretty sneaky about smoking, many never knew. Not even my brother, whom I told about 2 years ago. Once i told him about that, I opened the flood gates on other parts of my life...of course things he never knew but only made sense once he considered how seldom I was at home.

A lot of things have  happened in 20 years.

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